First True Friend
by Miss Akiyata
Summary: One-shot: Ludwig, on some days when Feliciano wasn't around him, would sit in his room at home and spill his emotions out. He hated himself. He truly did.


**This one-shot is based on a text photo of Germany that was posted in a Hetalia Facebook group a while ago. I commented saying that it would be made into a fanfic, so it was. Not really sure if this counts as much of a fanfic though. I'm not very good at one-shots. It doesn't go into much detail or anything. But I hope you like it anyway. **

**Enjoy~**

* * *

Ludwig, on some days when Feliciano wasn't around him, would sit in his room at home and spill his emotions out.

He hated himself. He was strict, sometimes mean, and he knew that most people didn't like to be around him. But he couldn't help the way he was. It's how he was raised.

There were so many things he'd done that he wished with all his heart that he could go back in time to stop from happening...but he knew that wouldn't happen. So many people died; because of him. Every time he got home, he sat on the end of his bed and pictured the piles of lifeless bodies, desperation plain on their faces...and the ash that hung thick in the air.

He cried.

* * *

There was a world meeting that day. The German sat stiffly at the end of the long table. He'd been up all night, anxious about the meeting for a reason he didn't know. But his subconscious knew. In the very back of his mind, he could feel his fearful thoughts threatening to push forward as he sat and stared blankly out at the arguing countries.

He was afraid they would say something about him; about his past; what he'd done to all those people. Even when they said nothing, he knew they thought of it every time they looked at him. That was why they shrunk away from him, why he always had to take charge of the meetings. He was strict and powerful; and frightening.

From the corner of his vision, he spotted a beaming smile. Bringing his mind back to the real world, he glanced over at the oblivious Italian beside him. Feliciano smiled at him. He always smiled at him. Ludwig felt his troubles drift off slowly as he looked at the brightened expression directed toward him. And he felt himself smile a bit.

* * *

Ludwig walked through his front door, closing it behind him. Slipping out of his uniform, he folded it neatly and set it aside. His house felt large and empty.

This was what he'd always come home to; not a single soul around but his own. It took him back in time, his mind reaching into the dark crevices of his memories. But they were gaping crevices.

He was alone. Walking into the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator casually and grabbed a beer, closing the door once again. He sat at the kitchen table and took a gulp of the alcohol before placing it down on the table in front of him, holding it loosely in one hand. He stared at the empty seat in front of him.

He wished that someone was sitting there; that Italy would show up to keep him company. He'd never admit it, but he loved when Feli was around. The Italian was the first person, the first country, that didn't care about his cruel, dark past. Italy was his first true friend...something he'd only mention in his personal journal and not in front of the other countries.

Yes, he loved when Feliciano was around. The Italian would just smile at him. There'd be no judging...not hating on Germany for his dark past. Ludwig would feel worth something again.

But Italy wasn't there now, and he wouldn't be coming that day. So Ludwig took another few gulps of alcohol before raising his hand to brush through his slicked hair. He let out a deep and shaky breath. Tears made their way from the corners of his eyes.

He hated himself. He truly did. He wanted to go back and erase those awful things he did. He wanted to change, but he knew his past was set in stone. But his future...was not. But he knew he could do it. He could change.

He already had changed. No longer seeking power, he searched for nothing but happiness and peace alongside his cheerful companion; his friend; _Italy._

He cried.

And he smiled inwardly.

_**-THE END-**_

* * *

**Merph. That's it. Sorry, it's kinda lame. I'm not good at one-shots. I couldn't really get into this. I think I'll stick to series from now on. It's probably for the best. But I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless. Thanks for reading. **


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